you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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