If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
