I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
