also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
