This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
