God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
