I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
