I'm going to jail i love you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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