so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
