you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
