Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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