Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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