oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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