I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
