god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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