I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
