I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
