on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
