These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
