My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
