Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
