Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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