Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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