4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
