I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
