Your dad touched me again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
