your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she told me i tasted like america
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
