he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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