It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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