A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
