i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
