matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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