I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
