i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no, he came in my armpit
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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