i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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