I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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