I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
