Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
