guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
