Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
