from now on my penis is your penis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
