I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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