ugly people sure do ruin things
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This house was built for laser tag.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
