Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
