If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
