one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
