my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
