If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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