I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
