i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
