Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
