Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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