this beer tastes like vomit already
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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