i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please come you make the beer taste better
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
