The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
