why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
